I’ve heard it said that “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” However, this research begs to differ…at least when it comes to elderly humans like me. In this study, participants between 60 and 80 years of age exhibited as much growth as participants in their twenties after an 8-week intervention focused on stress management and social regulation. Those leading the study were surprised as older adults often report that they have trouble learning a foreign language or a musical instrument. Yet, in this study, older adults learned to practice new socio-emotional behaviors (such as recognizing, expressing, and regulating feelings in social relationships) just as well as younger adults. These positive results remained intact at least a year after completing the 8-weeek program. The older adult’s progress may have resulted from motivational effort. Specifically, the older participants were more likely to “delve deeply” into the training materials and to complete weekly assignments. In other words, they’ve demonstrated slightly greater engagement. In other words, when it comes to emotional and social growth, us “old dogs” can definitely learn “new tricks.”

It’s never too late to learn. Children, parents, grandparents, and even great grandparents can learn to better manage their emotions and social interactions. We can learn to have better family relationships at any age. No need to think that your family relationships are stuck in a “bad place.” Each person can learn and grow. Isn’t that great motivation to put in the effort necessary to learn new skills for better family relationships? What are the skills to learn?

• Learn to recognize your emotions. Learn to recognize how you “feel the emotion” within your body. Does you jaw tighten when you’re angry? Do you clench your fists? Do you look around when happy? How do you breathe differently when you’re angry vs. scared vs. happy? You get the idea. Learn to recognize how your body senses an emotion.
• Increase your emotional vocabulary. Don’t limit your emotional vocabulary to mad, sad, and happy. Learn the individual nuances between your anger and your frustration. Learn to recognize what makes the difference between excitement and nervousness or worry and anxiety. Know the degrees you experience between happiness and joyfulness, compassion and romantic…and what triggers each. Learn the vocabular for each degree of emotion and each nuanced emotion. The greater your vocabulary, the better you can manage each one.
• Learn ways to relax your body. Learn to relax through breathing (in for three and out for six or in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, and wait for 4). Practice body relaxation. Learn to calm your body. As you calm your body, you’ll find the related emotion easier to manage as well.
• Learn to express your emotion as well as the priorities and values behind the emotion to those around you. Expressing the values and priorities that give rise to your emotion allows you and the people around you to better understand you and your priorities and values.  It also allows you and those around you to respond in a way that matches your values. This will also help you regulate your emotions.

As you recognize your emotions, nurture a vocabulary that allows you to better express your emotions, and learn to regulate the emotions by relaxing your body and effectively communicating the priority undergirding your emotions, you’ll find your relationships growing stronger, more intimate, and more secure. You’ll find that you have learned some “new tricks,” even if you are an “old dog.”